Schedule

It's been an unpleasant rollercoaster but for now, there is a calm before the next round of events. I'd like to hurry it up but the surgeon is available when he's available. It gives me time to pull a few things together especially for work I guess.

I am scheduled to have a lumpectomy on Thursday, May 10. On May 2, I will go in for a blood test and chest x-ray. That's standard I guess for all surgeries.

The surgery is only outpatient and I will not even be fully sedated.

I won't post until things move so you don't need to check in here. If you wish to call, write or whatever, you can do that directly.

Thanks for checking in.

MRI and Biopsy Second Round

Yesterday's procedures were um....yucky. I wasn't fully prepared for the environment I was thrust into. Likewise the duration and preparation for the whole event were sorely underdeveloped as they were described to me. But, it's over.

I had an MRI-guided biopsy. Two areas were biopsied to see if they were also malignant. I was moving into the world of mastectomy talk.

The good news is that those areas were found to be benign. Now what was once the worst news of my life (having a malignant lump) is feeling pretty good. It's small. It's isolated. I can do this as an outpatient. I will be able to function and live as I am now. My life seemed suddenly better at 2:25 pm today when I got the call that this remains an isolated lump.

It's been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. I can't imagine why I wasn't given a blank prescription pad to fill in as I so wish to help manage me through this. I guess given what's going on, I'm okay. My spontaneous bursts into tears seem to be diminishing. The dark and scary stuff is for now at bay. I am living and celebrating again.

I realize that I am not alone in this. I mean this in good ways but also bad. I know that many have taken on extra worries along with me. I thank you all. Take a break from it now as I plan to.

I won't post again until I speak with my surgeon. That is likely to be Wednesday or Thursday. From here, I schedule the lumpectomy. There's more after that and this is hardly the hardest part but this process is getting on track. The sooner this all starts, the sooner I can put it behind me.

Ted and I are going to tell Isaac of this tonight. I'd rather inflict great pain upon myself but it has to be done. I hope he doesn't get it and tries to negotiate a toy out of the deal. I hope he regards it as a boring conversation that interrupted his time making a mess somewhere. I just hope he doesn't get afraid.

I'm fine and will continue to be so.

MRI Results

I just got a phone call. It's hard to relay as there's kind of no news but another hurdle. It's a little hurdle.

My MRI revealed that there are no lymph node concerns. My left side remains good too. The issue that was brought up is that on the right side in an outer area there is an area that is to be investigated further. If it should prove to be malignant, it would still be considered early detection and the same kind of cancer.

I was previously told to expect that this exact thing might happen. I had hoped of course it wouldn't but I am also still able to hope that this area is nothing. The surgeon told me that biopsies that follow-up such MRI's are even usually nothing. So, let's hope. If it is something, it's still do-able but perhaps with more serious surgery.

I am so very glad nothing horrid was presented to me. I am not glad that I have to go in for yet more inspection and yet more waiting.

I will go in Monday morning at 7:00 to get the biopsy done. I am going to take the day off of work. I could do a half day but I'm not sure why I'd attempt that.

Thank you for your thoughts, words, etc.

Ruth

First Blog Posting (Catchy huh?)

I always thought people who blogged were just full of themselves. Maybe that's true. I am pretty self-consumed these days.

I am lucky in that people want to know what's going on. I guess this is one of those "journeys". Although it's one I'd rather not be on, here I am. I am just lucky that I am taking some people along for this ride. I know it's not a pleasant one, so thank you for joining me.

The lovely question I keep getting is, "What can I do for you?" That question is its own act of kindness. Most of the time I answer truthfully by saying, "Nothing but thank you". Calling and e-mailing are their own acts. I want to be the person I've always been. I might be wiser and ultimately more grateful but still me.

It's important to me right now to keep doing what I always did. I go to work. I go home. Both are demanding places but both environments are filled with kind people. Home keeps me going. It doesn't sadden me. It is what I most worry about so is somehow also what brings me the most comfort.

I feel quite ignorant at this time. I find reading information about cancer nearly intolerable. I do well with reading from survivors. I am also not comfortable with the term "survivor" as it reminds me that some don't.

This is my first posting. If this gets too silly, I'll spare you and go back to e-mailing.

I have NO idea how to put groovy pictures here but I will work on that for future use.

I don't want this to be a sad place. I will just post here periodically with my updates so that you can check in if you wish.

The only update right now is that I went through an MRI yesterday. It wasn't too hideous. I had a lovely nurse managing the situation. I'll find out tomorrow or in a few days what was found. There are strong possibilities of false alarms. Of course I hope that I just get the same news I already have. Waiting is hard. There's going to be a lot of it so I'd better get good at it.

Thank you to everyone for kind words. They mean a lot. Please don't worry about fumbling. I'm fumbling a lot.

If you're reading this, you're important to me. Thanks for being there.