Three Down

I had a chemo treatment yesterday. Three yucky ones down and only one of these kind left. The four after promise to be easier.

I had a yucky evening last night but am still doing well. Blood counts all good and last night was more about fatigue and an ooky full feeling. I took a nap today so feel worlds better.

I have to give myself a shot yet which has been Ted's job. He's already in NH. We're joining him on Thursday. I'm glad as we will have a quasi vacation. I'm hoping during winter break to do something more ambitious. The chemo schedule has ruined so many fun potentials and some plans.

When we get back, I have a chemo appointment immediately and then two other appointments during the week. One is a CT scan to help the radiation doctors actually make a target of where to point at me. It's early to do this but it facilitates missing less work to schedule now. Radiation will start roughly three weeks after chemo is finished.

I've been trying to get ready for the trip and trying to keep the house together. Somehow the house is a mess and I'm not fully ready for the trip. It'll happen.

I picked up some medication today called "Kytril". It's a complicated anti-nausea medication that actually deals with one's brain not stomach. It sort of tells your brain to not acknowledge the nausea. I've barely used the samples I was given but thought I'd better fill the prescription. It cost me $40 but would've cost $1200 plus, full price! I really might not even use any or at least most of it. The pills are in sample packages. I'm writing this as I want to find a way to donate them should anyone have chemotherapy, need for these pills and crappy insurance. I can part with the leftovers that would be unopened in October. I'm also going to work on finding a connection but if anyone has any ideas, let me know, please.

We're leaving Thursday for NH. It'll be fun. It'll be nice to leave appointments behind for over a week.

We're all okay. The boys couldn't be better behaved. I hope this continues at the airport.

Cinderella?

I'm still doing well after my second round of chemo. I'm supposed to be sicker than last time but so far I'm much better. I have a weird and intermittent appetite but that's the worst of it. My energy could be better but it could be a lot worse. So, I'm appreciative for so much.

The big news is......I had my head shaved! Look. It was going to happen slowly and miserably so it was kind of like pulling a bandage off quickly. I found a very kind guy via the internet and a weird Google search of "chemo hair cut". I had trouble convincing two hair cutters to just get rid of it. I thought I had to go somebody who knew what this was all about. This guy had a very bad cancer and is living to tell about it. He let me cover my eyes and turned my back away from the mirror whenever possible. I cried a little before it all began but only a very little. No weeping.

The whole shop was set up for the um....older set. Let's just say, I was by far the youngest person there. Turns out that the older ladies were interested and kind about my loss of hair and of course my circumstances. When these big things happen, environment can be everything. It was in this case.

The other big news is that I walked out wearing a wig. I hadn't intended to buy one but this kind guy is also a good salesman. So, I have a wig that looks great. I'm not wearing it so much yet. I do the scarf thing. I will wear the wig when I return to work and when I go out for an evening I guess. Or not. We'll see. I'm hoping insurance will help cover it as it's supposed to. Hey! I have a prescription for a "cranial prosthesis". That's insurance talk for "wig". We'll see.

I'm not as freaked out about this as I'd expected. It helps that I feel pretty good physically. I think this journey is different for everyone of course. I can't lament my hair when I have survived what I've survived thus far. I have further to go but I've come a long way. I am no longer living in cold fear. I am with my children when they are with me. I am not sneaking away to cry. I am with everyone. I am actually less different now than when I was diagnosed, going through surgery and still had hair. At that time, I was functioning elsewhere and in some other capacity that I don't ever wish to return to. This is better. I also know that after this, it gets even better.

Today, Toby asked if he could touch the spot where my port was put in. It looks yucky as there is still glue stuff on it, a wound and a bruise. Oh yeah. I'm not just bald. I'm feeling Frankensteiny on top of that. But back to Toby. I let him touch the spot. I asked him if he thought it was yucky or if it scared him. He said, "No, you're Cinderella." So, I'm listening to my wise boy. I'm trying to think of myself as Cinderella rather than Frankenstein. I'm telling you, the boys make it do-able.

Port and Chemo

I went in yesterday to have a port put in. This allows easier vein access. Creepy, yes but easier yes. Let's just assume there will be a lot of creepy and I won't note it again. The procedure was not fun but not so painful. Ted and I were there for a very long time as Northwestern seems to have ongoing problems with the concept of scheduling. I waited slightly short of forever and then went in. I ended up being there all day with Ted and am glad we had help to pick up the boys. So, lots of time wasted but procedure successful.

The port was accessed today for my chemo treatment. It is definitely way better than without. I'll spare you details on that. Just less painful and so much quicker.

My friend Gayle came today. I don't know if she's reading this blog but she's amazing. I actually regard today as a very fun day.

She's one of those people I'm friends with so that Isaac can be friends with her girls. I'm glad Isaac did this for all of us.

She stayed and we jabbered through chemo which made time go quickly. We then went to lunch at Bistro 110. I decided that anyone who is kind enough to go to chemo with me gets a free snobby lunch. We had great food and yet more of a good time. My appetite is going so I'm glad we did that.

I feel relatively okay but can feel post-chemo symptoms coming. Wednesday and Thursday will be my hardest days I bet and I'm not scheduled for anything.

My hair is making its exit. It is sad but I've been prepared for it for so long. I have my groovy scarves. I'm wearing one now. I don't want to walk around shedding. I had my hair cut shorter on Monday but darn it if it didn't turn out so cute! The point was to get a shocking hair cut and then be less shocked at its loss. Oh well. Until Thursday, I'll have cute hair.

This part is nearly unbelieveable but I have the proof. Today I got the mail and there was a shampoo sample! It's true! Funny joke from God I guess. I get it, I get it.

All of my blood counts were great. The nurse read them to me as if they had meaning. Of course I then had to ask, "Are those good?" She said, "They're great!" So, they're great.

I had a bizarre case of hives that has recurred a few times. I've never had them in my life but the chemo people tell me it's not chemo related. My husband, the shrink thinks it might be, "sublimation of anxiety". He's like that. He means well.

Benadryl gets rid of it so I was told to continue this if it occurs again. So, it's treatable and not a big deal.

I won't go back in until the 23rd of July for my third treatment. Now Elizabeth and Gayle are fighting over who gets to go. I think the publishing of the free lunch did it. I have good people to stick with me. Barbara will join me again in August so I'm covered. Some family have offered to come too.

There's a thunderstorm here. The boys are home. I'm still okay for now and even when I've been sick, it hasn't been THAT bad.

I might post again when I'm without hair. I might wait until my next treatment. It's always okay to e-mail or call too.

At this very moment, I don't feel too bad or too sad. The job is to really really keep living and to not mark time until this is over. My boys make that happen whether I like it or not so they'll pull me through. They always do.

Gotta go. Thunderstorms are scary if you're two.