Friday Early Afternoon

I am through with surgery. I don't feel as euphoric as last time as I thought two weeks ago was my last surgery. I am assured that this is it for surgery. I am finding with cancer that there are unforeseen shoes to drop so I'll wait until pathology reports to fully exhale from this part of this experience.

The lymph node area called the fat pad was removed due to the finding of the 1/2 mm area of cancer in the sentinal node. That is the lead node to this area.

I asked the surgeon the following scary question: Can my cancer status be turned into scarier numbers if large amounts of cancer are found in the remaining lymph nodes? He said that the odds of that were less than 1% as he'd have seen it at the previous surgery. As it was so small and in the primary lymph node, nearly impossible to happen.

He also told me that odds are about 50/50 for there to be any cancer taken out from yesterday's surgery. He told me that along with trying to get rid of any doubt of cancer, the chemo oncologist needs to get all of the information so that my future with chemo can be best refined for me. So, yesterday's surgery was actually mostly for my future with chemotherapy. I sort of understood that before but my surgeon drew pictures for me yesterday and he couldn't do that over the phone when we spoke before. I also am not so trustful of what sounds like good news when it's in any kind of speculation stage.

It's all okay.

I am wearing a drain. It's not attractive but not as complicated as it was in my mind prior to surgery. That will be taken out in ten to fourteen days.

Pathology report will be delivered on Tuesday.

I am feeling much better than I'd anticipated. I don't have true pain per se but rather discomfort. I have to be somewhat careful. I have range of motion issues more than strength or true mobility issues. I've been told to resume normal activity without straining.

I slept last night.

I have today off with no boys and Ted will pick them up. I have gone out to a grocery store and another store. I might go out again. I also might make cupcakes as we have a few people coming over tomorrow. Deviled eggs are in process.

I'm learning to take smaller steps. I've been disappointed a few times when I've leapt too far ahead. I'm good for now in this interim between surgery and the pathology report.

I have two questions to pose to my surgeon who is to call me back today.

I feel more pro-active. I'm moving in on living differently with food. After I mend, I will re-introduce myself to exercise. I found a book online that doesn't look as flaky as some of the others. I think I'll give it a shot.

I am actually quite happy, feeling okay and getting my reserve together for what's next.

I will return to work on Tuesday.

I'm off to putter around. I can tell that I'm emotionally doing well as being alone is very nice today and not scary.

Happy Memorial Day! I am going to have three days off with my family, a grill and new lawn furniture. Did I mention that we moved to the suburbs?

Ruth