Post Surgery

How do I keep coming up with these snappy titles?

I am home for the day. I am .........FINE!!

The whole day yesterday was very delayed due to whatever. Nothing to do with me but hospital stuff. I already had a late appointment so with delays waited an extra nearly two hours and didn't get home until 8 p.m. or so.

For some reason my head was really on straight yesterday. While surgery is scary, it didn't seem nearly as scary as not surgery. Getting rid of this thing that has haulted a lot of my joys and brought such darkness to me seemed like something to rush to rather than to run from. My only fears were about somehow some undetected elements coming up during surgery. That didn't happen so hallelujah!

As with any easy-sounding procedure or surgery, there were 45 pre-procedures and then pre-pre-procedures. I got through them all. I had needles placed, radioactive shots, dye, removal of a lymph node and oh yeah, tumor removal.

The lymph node was removed and biopsied just to make darn sure. It was clean so it still appears that the lump was it. The lump is now gone. Good riddance!

I will hear on Monday what pathology has to say. I have great difficulty reading about any cancer so I'm functioning in ignorance. I think they will tell me more specifically how aggressive it was and from that, we'll discuss what's next for me. I remain ignorant because I can't tolerate reading about cancers. I never understood choosing ignorance on any subject but here I am. I am reading a bit here and there but nothing in great detail.

I'm feeling fine. I have to stay off of my feet for very extended periods just due to discomfort. Not pain mind you. I got up too early because I think I was just glad to be home and feeling relatively good. I plan to nap and run only a couple of errands. I'll get the boys after school too.

We are going to a birthday party tomorrow. I wouldn't miss it because there will be a magician!

I'm very much myself and very much concerned with the smaller things in life that end up being what matter most. For now, I'm not contemplating ominous issues that none of us can really comprehend.

I'm realizing that I'm not going to become one of those women who really really weave this into their identities. This is an isolated event and even if there's more down the road, it's not me. It's just something that unfortunately happened.

I do plan to volunteer once this is over. I have found a person who works for a volunteer organization who has herself had breast cancer. Her thoughts, words, knowledge and kindness pulled me out of some dark holes. I hope to do some pulling myself when I'm through needing the help here and there.

I promised not to ramble and then I did it.

One last word to every single woman. Sounds trite but, please get your mammograms. They are the easiest tests to go through ever. Anyone who says they hurt or are difficult is ridiculous. The stakes are too high to avoid them. They are quick and painless. The detection rates and survival rates are increasing as we speak and it's largely due to mammograms being done regularly. If you go, I have stickers for you. I do that at work so maybe it'll give everyone who reads this incentive.

If anyone you know has avoided them, please encourage them to go. If you have avoided them, please go.

I'm off to decide how to spend the day. It's quiet here. I've never experienced this!!!

Ruth