More Endings

Maybe this will never fully end. I've been told that.

I started tomoxafen two days ago. I saw the chemo oncologist on Monday.

Wednesday I took the day off of work to get my port taken out. It was outpatient surgery and ultimately not a big deal. I only had local anesthetic. I am glad it's gone. I was given it in a container to take with me. Yuck. I will likely toss it.

My hair is coming back nearly black. I don't know if it'll stay that way. I figure in a month or less I'll be walking around without my wig or scarves. I will probably have to have my hair cut and styled even though it's crazy short. I look unkempt at best when I take off my head coverings.

I'm good. Work continues. Boys are fabulous. My house is one mess after another. Ted is working too much but making good waves in the world. Life is good.

Ruth

The End

I had my last radiation treatment today. That says it all I think.

I will begin tomoxafin very soon. I am seeing the chemo oncologist Monday to get that going.

Thanks for checking in.

Of Course

I thought I was going to be done with radiation the Monday after Thanksgiving but of course, there's a catch. I will be done with the main radiation treatments. There are seven more called "the boost". Why cancer treatments get catchy titles, I don't know. I can tell you others if you ask.

Essentially, I will get seven rounds in a more local area on my body. It's not even regarded as a lot of radiation; supplemental even. I think that's why it got overlooked in communicating to me. For me however, it means seven additional days to haul downtown, seven days of running out the door earlier than I'd like from work, seven days to pay for parking, three days to pay for the additional help of picking up the boys, and seven more days of being separated from the boys for extra time. It truly sucks. There. I'm done with that.

This has added more stress to my life than I'd anticipated but....I'm feeling physically good. I'm tired today but I'm chalking that up to stress, work and schedule.

I'll be done December 4 unless I screwed up again. Well, actually Northwestern missed the communication with me. Did I mention that?

This will soon be behind us.

I'm getting hair! I'm not sure what's going on with the color! It looks darker. There's always an option for Clairol down the road, right?

Happy Thanksgiving. Mine will be good. I hope the same for anyone reading this.

Radiation

Catchy title, huh? Is anyone still reading this?

I started radiation yesterday. I am at a brand new hospital. It just opened less than a week ago. I am the fourth radiation patient.

The clinic is not fully up and running. For me that means hardly anyone around, new everything and a very good lack of commotion. I hope it also means that I'll be in and out quickly. I was promised I would be.

I'm handling things as Isaac and Toby make sure that I have no other options. They keep me in check.

I have a babysitter picking up Isaac and Toby on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It looks like I can get home on time but it gives me extra time two days a week. The boys love the sitter so it's good. It also gets them together a bit earlier which is good.

I have five weeks of treatments, five days a week. I'm going directly from work. It means no staying for extra whatevers including taking care of business. Home and work are definitely impacted but it is what it is.

This isn't about radiation but.... Toby had his birthday party on Sunday. It felt like the most normal event in our house thus far. It's so simple and so essential. We haven't had too many guests except people there for the purpose of communing with me through the ookiness of chemo or whatever. It was nice to have people there just to eat cake, get goody bags and to look at the little blonde boy blow out his candles. I wished with him.

Thanksgiving will be with Larry and Mary in Chicago. Thanks to them for that invitation. The Saturday after Thanksgiving will be in Indianapolis for a belated Thanksgiving with my family. I thought I'd miss this one but now I won't. I can keep my record of never missing a Thanksgiving with my family in Indianapolis. Thanksgiving will also signal the almost end of radiation as well. The Monday after should be the last one.

Again, so much to be grateful for and still some muck to wade through. It's less wading than I've been through thus far it seems.

Call, write, whatever. Or just check in here.

No More

Chemo treatments are finished.

One More!

I had a chemo treatment yesterday. I have some fatigue and some itching. The problem is Benadryl helps with itching but adds to fatigue!

I'm really really good. I'm back to complaining about things that blew past me when I was more afraid and more ill. I'm feeling like my old self whether anyone likes it or not. I don't think I'll ever take getting out of bed in the morning for granted again though. Getting out of bed is my definition of a good day.

I'm eating more organics and less meat. I pretty much gave up coffee which even I can't believe. Once radiation is done, I need to get exercise into my life. I find it truly impossible with my schedule. Duck if you're one of those who says there's always a way to make time for such things.

I wanted to thank my cousin Jennifer and everyone else for being kind and flexible. It looks like Thanksgiving will be on the Saturday after the real holiday. This is due to my radition schedule which is daily Monday through Friday. By moving it to Saturday, travel will be easier. I had toyed with the idea of not going but, no offense to the grown-ups that I love dearly, I couldn't get past Isaac not seeing Kate and Grace. I'm so glad we'll be there for Thanksgiving, Saturday or whatever. I don't think I've missed the gathering in my whole life and now I don't have to. This cancer took away a lot of special times so I'm glad this isn't among them.

My last chemo is October 1. It feels like my birthday is coming. Well, you know when you're a kid and it's your birthday. It's that kind of excitement.

The next step is to get some genetic testing. I've kind of decided, with input from my chemo oncologist, that if it looks like I'm carrying the DNA marker for breast cancer, it would make sense to have my ovaries taken out. Studies show that active ovaries can encourage further breast cancer and also lead to ovarian cancer. The link between the two is undeniable but it seems when the DNA is set with cancer in it only. If this makes no sense, I'll keep you posted on what happens next.

I'm good. I'm going to be even better. This is going to be behind us before you know it.

CT Scan

There's not much to report. I think it's largely due to my not wanting to report. I had a ct scan on Thursday. I now am tattooed but not in a fun way. I have two small black dots on my body. That's for aiming the radiation stuff. My first appointment is on October 23. I will go Monday through Friday for five weeks! It's only short sessions but hauling downtown and oh yeah working and oh yeah mothering two boys are the issues. It'll work. I wasn't given a list of options when this plan was put into place.

I've been into work a few times. Essentially I marvel at all there is to do and wonder who will do it. Then I realize that it's me and remember that I have no idea how to do the job. I hope I remember soon. Work officially starts on Wednesday.

Isaac and Toby will be with a sitter for the days I go into work this week. Toby will also have a sitter for two days next week. Isaac starts school the day after Labor Day. I think he'll be fine. I hope the school and the before and after school care program are okay.

I'm sad to let the summer go as it was such a sucky one. I don't know where to put in for a do-over. On the other hand, letting it go, means welcoming a better one soon. I also am looking forward to so much. There's a lot that's been missing. I realize that so much when I get bits back. I'm getting more back all the time.

Thanks to everyone who even gave me a kind thought. I hope when this is all over I properly thank everyone. I'm sure I won't but I promise to try.

I'm feeling verbose but perhaps less is more.